I had a Swiss day. No, not running through the alps with a cuckoo clock, but visiting the Aqua Park with our children. Forget the alps, the lake, the fresh air. You haven't lived till you've been enclosed in 8,000 square feet of plastic with 1000 Swiss teenagers, climbing 300 stairs at a time while carrying an inflatable boat the size of Texas. That little sojourn took around 4 hours, during which my worst Howard Hughes-type phobias about personal hygiene, re-used water, and overheated, bacteria-filled atmospheres were confirmed...I tried to focus on the excitement on my boys' faces, until the little one's crumpled in fear as we prepared to descend the black water slide. I had just walked up 789 stairs carrying a boat that could have been a relic from the Titanic, and I was not about to walk back down so I convinced him it was a safe and fun ride down. As my karmic punishment for lying to my own child, I was invited to dinner at our Swiss neighbour's house, which was not that bad except that I am anti-social at the best of times, and especially around people who only speak French, unless they look like Emmanuelle Beart. We ate raclette, which is melted Swiss cheese, very delicious and enough to fuel a hike up a Swiss mountain, or indeed a water slide. Luckily, my wife is fluent in French, so I was able to sit and watch her admiringly...