ons.com as a 'Special Offer' alongside The World Unseen and I Can't Think Straight DVD and soundtrack packages. She suggested that instead of complaining to her, I should complain to my fans. So here it is. I don't mean a word of it, obviously, and I am also very aware that there is already a queue of women waiting for her, and the majority are younger, thinner and more French than me. So I will watch my back, or at least, Hanan's front.
We were at a birthday party for one of the boys' friends this afternoon, and as we sat with the school mums, the conversation naturally turned to clothes, shoes and (my personal favourite topic) make up. While I received a lesson in what to do with an Anti-Ageing Bronzer (polish the silverware? roast it for dinner?) I heard gasps of astonishment from the mothers clustered around Hanan. One may have hit the floor in a dead faint. I assumed that Hanan had been busy explaining the sex scene from I Can't Think Straight again, but actually she had just revealed her true age. Which is...47 (next week). And no-one could believe it. I can tell you now, it ain't a bronzer or any foundation that makes her look so young. I don't think it is even having such a low maintenance wife (!) It's the genes. Which is why I'm not giving her up that easily. She is the apple of my eye. The rose upon my lips. And I'll go no lower anatomically...for now.