In the Sarif-Kattan household, New Year’s Eve suffers from the same syndrome as pierced ears. I digress, but by now, who cares? So when I was around 14 and my younger sister wanted to get her ears pierced, I had a moment of stunning clarity, like one of those kung fu slow motions in a Crouching Tiger film, where I realized that drilling a hole in your ear lobe is just…well…odd. It felt bizarrely random and frankly, quite daft. Now some of you may be piercing aficionados, and I do not expect everyone to abide by my rare moments of lucidity. Every man and woman for herself and her happiness – I doubt any of you would find my anal timing of toast, egg and tea at breakfast very worthwhile, but it pleases me (when it’s right, and trust me, it’s not easy) so who am I to cast aspersions on needles through body parts? Do you know, I forgot why on earth I started this topic. Oh, New Year’s Eve. So the same thing happened about 15 years ago, when I was granted the revelation that NYE was a somewhat arbitrary date on which some people who are long dead decided that we must all stay up till midnight, get drunk and hug the person next to us. And it occurred to me that I have much more chance of hugging the person next to me (Hanan) if I am sober, and awake (ie much before midnight). This is my long-winded way of excusing the fact that a) I slept through the turn of the millennium and b) I was in my pyjamas at 9 pm, while Hanan read me her month-by-month goals for the year. It went something like this.
Hanan (reading): ‘January – edit the cooking show. Shoot another cooking show for kids with the boys. Finish script for Despite the Falling Snow. Write new pilot for I Can’t Think Straight TV. Pre-production for Dreaming Spires. Script for next movie…’
Shamim (weeping): ‘Wait a second. Are we on December 2010 already?’
Hanan (shocked): ‘I’m only on January 15th…’
Naturally, I was exhausted by 9.30 but overcome with mists of adoration for my wife (still reciting March’s goals – a new novel, since you ask) I decided this would be the perfect time to overwhelm her with romance and seduction. To this end, I surreptitiously removed my socks (it was cold, OK?) and tried to look inviting. She glanced up from her goal-reading. A gleam hit her eye. It looked promising…and the bedroom door burst open revealing a crying child with an aching ear. Well, it was a long and stormy night, and instead of a night of passion, I revisited in my mind the previous afternoon.
Some good friends in LA had told us that some old friends (and they did mean old) were visiting London and would we check in on them.
'Maybe we should call them,' I told Hanan.
'I already did. We're taking them to tea,' she replied. 'In an hour.'
They were two fabulous women, one a movie star from way back, the other a Hollywood choreographer and I loved every minute.
'What did you direct, dear?'
'The World Unseen,' I ventured.
A frown from the actress. 'Sounds like a Greta Garbo movie.'
Anyone who starred in films from 1940 to 1960 and then did multiple episodes of Murder She Wrote and Falcon Crest is fine by me. I asked the choreographer (who winningly referred to herself as a ‘hoofer’, a word I’d only heard in a 1938 musical) what her favourite work had been.
‘The Oscar show. I had to choreograph ‘Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head’
That was around 1969, the year I was born. Hanan looked uncertain. Before she could ask if that was a Beyonce song, I stepped in.
‘From ‘Butch Cassidy’?’ I asked. ‘It won the Oscar that year didn’t it?’
Hanan stared at me, and I could see the fear in her eyes that she was married to someone whose cultural references ended in 1970. Yes, while you all were out partying on New Year’s, I have spent my time watching old movies (and listening to goals). And you know, I did hit midnight once, a few years back with Lisa Ray in Switzerland, watching a new movie. Hmm. Midnight, with an actress (and my wife). That counts for something doesn't it?

At 'The World Unseen' wrap party with my wife and an unidentified Amina/Leyla-lookalike, quite possibly the last time I voluntarily stayed awake till midnight...